At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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