I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
