Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
not ubering you a puppy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
