I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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