just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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