kristin has been a bad kristin
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
