i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
