We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
