i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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