That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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