I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
