we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
