Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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