He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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