I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
