Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
