It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Randomize
