took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
