it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
