His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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