Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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