My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
