We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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