I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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