im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have fence marks all over my body
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
