I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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