i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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