I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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