you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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