We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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