Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
