Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
