I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
