I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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