i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
