going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize