My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
