I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
