Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
