Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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