You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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