I think my vagina is haunted
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
