I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
