The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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