i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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