Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
