my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
did i just pee glitter
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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