chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
