I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
