so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
