She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
