How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
