Banned from zoo.
Again?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize