I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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