we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
