Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
