he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
