He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
