Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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