It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
