but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
