i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
