We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
