you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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