I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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