just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Are we still banned from the library?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
