doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
