I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
