Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
