Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm at about main and main street
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
