Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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