i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
