I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
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i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
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I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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