I hope mine doesn't look like that
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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