I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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