nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
