I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
